Offbeat Ads

OMG Lysol was once a douching aid!

lysol

This ad is hilarious in so many ways, “…instead of blaming him if married love begins to cool, she should question herself.”

“…by practicing complete feminine hygiene as provided by vaginal douches with a scientifically correct preparation like Lysol.”

There’s more, but what I found most interesting is the HUGE leap of faith the advertiser is trying to make in tying strained marital feelings to lack of douching.

In fact, if my wife started douching with Lysol, I’d run. But maybe I’m weird, who knows…

Daring Gift for Married Folks

Jail Jamas

“Fashionably tailored of luxuriant, high count broadcloth, generously cut, durably made.”

Riiight…

Luckies Taste Better!

LuckyStrikes

Cleaner, fresher, and smoother. Ugh…

Scary thing is, I’ve tried these many years ago. Ick.

Ouch!

kickinjeans1

Because every guy who wears jeans does this…

“Eye-catching label”

Krylon

Does anyone even know what the hell this stuff actually does?…

This probably worked:

Magneto

Much like today, most of the alternative health and wellness stuff sold out there, is crap.

This suit was supposed to protect you from getting most kinds of diseases and sicknesses.

But it probably worked, simply because no one would want to come near you if you were walking around like this. And as you know, contact with others is the main cause of virtually all illnesses.

Make up to $16 a day!

Cigarette-Case-Lit-Cigarettes

There’s some pretty good sales copy in here:

“Smokers crowd ’round when you use it… they gaze in wonder… every one of them wants a Magic Case.”

In actual fact, using this as often as possible, would definitely be the best way of selling it. Smart idea of this company to make their users, distributors of their product.

This increases distribution far beyond what they could do on their own – and probably at a much lower cost.

Yes! It’s the folding tub…

Business Opportunity Ad - Folding Tub

Two sales a day means $300 a month!…

Pretend to be a lesbian for 24 hours…

1988-WhenYouMeetALesbian

This one’s interesting…

Hard to imagine, but this is the curriculum for a course called Women’s Studies 103, at the University of Wisconsin.

What’s hard to imagine is this was handed out in 1988. That’s only 26 years ago. Which means when I was 24, this is the kind of information that was being taught in college.

I never took a women’s studies course, so I never heard of these things.

In case you can’t read the outline, here it is:

(My personal favorites are highlighted in bold.)

1. Do not run from the room. This is rude

2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion

3. Do not assume she is attracted to you

4. Do not assume she is not attracted to you

5. Do not assume you are not attracted to her

6. Do not expect her to be as excited about meeting a heterosexual as you may be about meeting a lesbian. She was probably raised with them.

7. Do not immediately start talking about your boyfriend or husband in order to make it clear that you are straight. She probably already knows.

(Of course. Everyone knows lesbians have stra-dar, the same way heterosexuals have gaydar.)

8. Do not tell her it is sexist to prefer women. Do not tell her that men are as oppressed by sexism as women and women should help men fight their oppression.

9. Do not assume she hates men. On the other hand, recognize that she may not want to attend an event where there will be men

10. Do not ask her how she got this way. Ask yourself how you got that way.

11. Do not trivialize her experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only.

12. Do not assume she wants to be treated like a man.

13. Do not assume that her lesbian relationships, unlike male-female relationships, are free of problems like envy, communication failure, struggles with commitment, etc. On the other hand, do not assume she is in an unhealthy relationship.

14. Do not assume that you and she cannot be friends. Do not assume you can.

15. Do respect her individuality. She is a lesbian, but she is also Mary, Pam, Lori…

And my personal favorite, the class assignment:

EXPERIMENT: PRETEND TO BE A LESBIAN FOR 24 HOURS. WHAT KINDS OF THINGS DO YOU NOTICE ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT THIS FEELS?

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