Here's The REAL Purpose
Of Your Opening Paragraph!

Dear Friend,

Don't forget to enter the headline contest I'm having, and get your shot at winning $100 dollars off your next sales copy review -- www.kingofcopy.com/salescopyreview -- or your next consulting appointment -- www.kingofcopy.com/consulting .

There are only 5 days left to submit your entry, so get moving!

Entries haver been steadily pouring in, every day now -- so why not submit yours?

The contest rules are here:

http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/ad_contest_071505.html

Remember what I said yesterday:

The sole purpose of your first paragraph is to get you to read your second paragraph.  And being the smart marketer you are, you therefore "automatically" know, the purpose of your second paragraph is...

Correct!

The purpose of the second paragraph is to get you to read the third paragraph.

Good going there sunshine -- no need to bring you back from the dead -- at least not yet anyway.

So today we'lle look at the second paragraph of our contest display ad.

Again, you can check out that original ad (and even print out a copy of it) right here:

http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/real_estate_ad_071505.html

The second paragraph says, "We have developed a completely unique real esate system which not only helps our agents easily earn over $100,000 a year, but also pro-vides exceptional service for our many clients."

Good things about this:  Bluntly, any goodness this paragraph delivers is
completely submarined by the one completely stupid and amateurish move this writer made.

And here it is:

As soon as you started saying "WE have developed", your immediately started raising your prospects "bullshit" detector.

See, right away, your telling them...

THIS IS A SALES PITCH!

Which completely nullifies anything going on that's actually good here.

When you write your sales copy, although there are exceptions to the rule (like when you're telling a story about yourself, for example), you want to write this glowing review about your product, as if it was coming from an unbiased and neutral third party -- someone with NO vested interest.

Also, I'm not sure "providing exceptional service" is something that's a primary benefit to realtors who may be interested in this product.

It may be a benefit, but it's probably not something you'd highlight in your display ad.

Here's something I might say instead:

"You see, an amazing new prospecting system has recently been developed that totally turns the tables on your sellers and buyers.  Instead of worrying about where you're going to find your next seller, using this system, your sellers end up being the one's hoping to find you!"

And so, from the beginning, your copy so far, would read like this:

"If you are a highly motivated real estate agent with a burning desire to increase your commissions by AT LEAST $100,000 dollars in the next six months -- regardless of what level you're at now -- and if you're sick and tired
of dealing with buyers and sellers who really aren't as sincere as you felt they were up-front... and you've had it "up to here" with people trying to whittle your commissions down to practically nothing... then this is the most exciting and important message you will ever read!

You see, an amazing new prospecting system has recently been developed that totally turns the tables on your sellers and buyers.  Instead of worrying about where you're going to find your next seller, using this system, your sellers end up being the one's hoping to find you!"

Tomorrow we'll check out how to continue on with this paragraph, and we'll see what else you must include in your sales pitches, so they're a little more convincing than those beauty pageant contestants who all say "World Peace"
whenever they're asked what their one wish is.

Now go sell something,

Craig Garber

P.S. Want to know why YOUR sales copy isn't as believable to your readers as you'd have wanted?  Here's a sure-fire way to find out what's wrong: www.KingOfCopy.com/salescopyreview

Any comments?

Send them to me by scooting over to the contact form on my "Here's How To Contact Craig" page, and maybe I'll publish them -- I appreciate your feedback!

You can reprint, or link to this article, or to any article on this web site, as long as you include the following text-box:

“Craig Garber is America's top direct-response copywriter.  Join the ranks of Garber's swelling list of global VIP's who subscribe to his unconventional weekly marketing moments, and discover how to dramatically boost your sales and improve the response to your sales copy, on his website at http://www.kingofcopy.com. Copyright © Craig Garber.  All rights reserved.”

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