Shoot Me, I've Gone Metro!
Dear Friend,
I'll ignore the big topic of conversation today, which is the 6/6/06 date thingy, and I won't make any references to The Omen... The Bible... or that last Family Guy episode either, O.K.? I figure you're going to hear enough of that, and the truth is, I'm not very qualified in this area, anyway.
I finally did it, and frankly I'm not proud. It was my first experience, and perhaps my last, we'll have to see how things work out. What happened was, I think I just went Metrosexual, and I'm still a little uneasy about it.
Here's the deal: If you're a guy, you already know how much shaving sucks. And if you're a woman, you've no doubt heard some guy whining about how much shaving sucks. Now this fellow I know who's about as perfectly groomed as Ken, from "Barbie and Ken", was telling me how there's these products called "shave creams", as opposed to "shaving creams", that make shaving almost tolerable.
Being the open-minded guy I am (sort of), I went to this website to order these "shave creams". And what I saw was nothing shy of shocking. It reminded me when I was a kid growing up in New York City, and I was around 14 years old. I was over on the west side of the city, near the river, and it was the middle of the summer time, and this particular area was desolate. I think it was where the meat-packing industry used to be, but don't quote me on this.
Anyway, young Craig was so damn hot, he had to stop into a bar and hope they'd serve him a soda. So I walk into this bar that had some kind of a western theme to it, and it's pretty dark inside, but I really can't see too good until I'm a few feet in there. It was so sunny out, the transition from daylight to the dim lights of the bar, took a few seconds to get used to.
So I go in this bar and I can't quite put my finger on it, but I "sense" something... just wasn't "right". At least not for me anyway. I look around... and all I see... are men. Everywhere.
Men in chaps... men with lassos... men in cowboy boots... men in stirrups... men with cowboy hats on their heads and colored scarves around their necks... men men men.
You see where I'm going with this, right? NOT that there's anything wrong with this -- it's just not MY scene.
So... I sort of tip-toed backwards out of the place, and for the first time in my life, I was just thrilled to be 14 and fat, and not 25 with shredded abs, so there is something to be said about timing.
Anyway, when I went to order this "shave cream", I had a similar experience. I went to this website called gloss.com, and basically, it is an online cosmetic counter... for men!
Just go there and you'll see what I mean. I could not believe it! Who's wearing all this stuff?
There was more cream and goop there than my wife even uses, and she's pretty hot and she's into all that girly stuff.
I couldn't believe this stuff existed.
I ordered my shaving cream, sorry... I ordered my "shave cream" (Is that like ice cream, can you eat it AND shave with it?) and I was on my merry way. They must have known I was a little queasy though, because they sent some samples of women's cologne -- I mean perfume -- along with my order just to make me feel better.
Unless... don't tell me guys are wearing that now too? What next -- stockings to make your calves look good? Eyebrow liner to eliminate those wrinkle lines after you pluck out your bushy eyebrows (they have this already, if you can believe it).
Thank God I have no hair, I might spend more time messing with it. Who knows what I'd buy? Moose (or is the mousse... or mouuse... whatever), gels, or some other glop. The guys back in the Bronx where I grew up would puke if they knew about this, so keep it between us, O.K.?
What's next, a good waxing? Sheesh.
One thing you will NOT have to worry about, is that I PROMISE not to reveal any grooming secrets in this month's edition of Seductive Selling - http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl - after all, like Clint Eastwood said in "Dirty Harry", "A man's got to know his limitations."
Now go sell something,
Craig Garber
Any comments?
Send them to me by scooting over to the contact form on my "Here's How To Contact Craig" page, and maybe I'll publish them -- I appreciate your feedback!
You can reprint, or link to this article, or to any article on this web site, as long as you include the following text-box:
| “Craig Garber is America's top direct-response copywriter. Join the ranks of Garber's swelling list of global VIP's who subscribe to his unconventional weekly marketing moments, and discover how to dramatically boost your sales and improve the response to your sales copy, on his website at http://www.kingofcopy.com. Copyright © Craig Garber. All rights reserved.” |