Do NOT Read This If You Are An Old Fat Guy!

Dear Friend,

I have a few unanswered questions:

Why is it that old fat guys don't mind standing there dripping wet and naked in men's locker rooms?  And why is it that it takes them longer to get dressed than it takes to apply for a mortgage?

And how come the lines to get into women's bathrooms are so long?  What are they giving away in there -- I MUST know.

And why is it, that no matter WHAT newspaper you're already subscribed to -- they call you up to get you to subscribe anyway?  And how come they can't call you BEFORE 8 o'clock at night?

Why is it that conservatives and liberals hate one another?  None of them actually DO anything anyway, right?

Honestly, is it too much to ask for answers to these questions?

It's not like I want to know why God made the world in seven days or anything. 

I'm not looking for the cure to aids -- just a few basic answers, that's all.

Here's another freakshow of life I have no idea why I ended up having to deal with:  A few months ago we took the kids to a State Fair.  My daughter wanted to win a goldfish, so of course her big brothers were more than willing to win her a few.  I happened to be buying us all some water while this foolish event was taking place, or else I would've put the kibosh on this idea immediately.

They win 4 goldfish, and the guy actually slips a mutant one in there as well.  Mutant I say, because it was a quarter of an inch long, if that, and it was as albino as Johnny Winter (look him up).

And no matter how hard I beg, or how much I try and justify flushing these things down our proverbial toilet, or dropping them in the lake so some turtle will get to have dinner that evening, my lovely wife insists we stop at Wal-Mart on the way home to get a proper fish tank, because "Samantha wants to take care of them."

Sure.

I can easily see all 35 pounds of Samantha, hoisting the 5 gallons of water up to the tank to fill it.  I can easily see my little angel cleaning that tank out every two weeks.

Riiiight.

So we stop at Wal-Mart, drop 50 odd bucks and come back with a tank, a few bags of colored rocks, some tacky fake vegetation, a pump and some other doo-hickeys, and presto!  Now we have more "pets".

I'm sorry, but something that doesn't even know you're alive, is NOT a pet, any more than your favorite stuffed animal is a pet.

True?

So what happens to these money-sucking time-wasting momentary eye-candy?

Well, one... by one...

They all... start... DYING!

Except of course, the little mutant.

No, she doesn't die -- she decides to have a baby.  Another little mutant, this one HALF the size of the big mutant.  In fact, some days when I go and look at the tank, I get all excited because I think they're both dead.  But no!  I am denied this pleasure.  They are just "hiding" behind some of the decoreative CRAP in my tank.

Sometime later, the "mom" does die, although she wasn't a very good mom, I must say.  I never even saw here TALK to her kid, let alone give it a hug or even a pat on the back.

So now we're stuck with a mutant fish you can't even see, and Samantha doesn't even WALK past the damn fish tank, let alone take "care" of her "pets."

This is why I REALLY need a lot of tolerance and patience in my life, and why YOU are so important to me.  Otherwise, who else could I vent to?

Now go subscribe to Seductive Selling, because in this Summer's DOUBLE issue, you're going to learn that you CAN inject copywriting talent from one person to another, as long as you're selective, plus you'll uncover a whole bunch of other stuff I'll reveal to you later, after I kill this damn mutant fish of mine and restore sanity to my home.  Plus, you can try it for FREE, and what better reason do you need than that?  So get your sweet little boo-tay down here and do it NOW: http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

And don't do this because I say you should (even though that should be MORE than reason enough).  Do it because Darryl DeLong from Groton, Massachusettes, had this to say:  "I got your newsletter the other day, once again another brilliant, information packed, eye-opening masterpiece from the King of Copy.   I want to thank you for answering my B2B copywriting question and for sharing so much of your insight and knowledge with me and many other readers.  The ads you reviewed this month were terrific examples of what to do and what NOT to do in writing copy.  What you wrote on page 4 about properly informing our prospects that we TRULY understand their needs and frustrations before we throw at them all the benefits and features of our product/service is SO true.  As you say they “don’t care how much we know, until they know how much we care.”

Hey, wanna buy a used fish tank?

Now go sell something,

Craig Garber

P.S. Order The Seductive Selling System™ and not only will you uncover 47 Ways To Push Your Prospects Emotional Buy-Buttons, but you'll also get a COMPLETELY FREE trial subscription to The Seductive Selling Newsletter ™ AND $794 Dollars worth of FREE Bonus gifts.  Check it out NOW at http://www.kingofcopy.com/seductive

Any comments?

Send them to me by scooting over to the contact form on my "Here's How To Contact Craig" page, and maybe I'll publish them -- I appreciate your feedback!

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