Offbeat Ads

Sex In Advertising

Some people believe sex in advertising is effective.

I’m not one of them.

Don’t get me wrong — I think sex is great, and I think advertising is great, but that doesn’t always mean they’re great together.

What’s important — no matter how much sex in advertising you’re using — is whether you’re creating a compelling enough offer, to get your prospects to respond… and to follow a specific call to action.

Most of the time, however… when sex in advertising is used, the part about “your buyers following a specific call to action,” is overlooked.

It’s falsely assumed that when someone is sexually provocative, people will simply respond, “automatically.”

They might do this — but they’re responding internally to the sexual stimulation, in whatever way they respond to sexual stimulations.  And that response is typically, NOT what the advertiser wants.  Which is, presumably… for the reader to go out and buy something.

Now some people also believe you should slap your wife around if she doesn’t bring you the right coffee… at just the right time.

I’m not one of them, either. But apparently… Chase & Sanborn was, when they rolled out this ad, Lord only knows how long ago.

I’m not sure anyone is going to read this, get a boner, and then scramble out the front door and head on down to their local grocery store to buy some coffee.

As a side note, don’t you find it odd how provocative this ad is, compared to the kinds of ads mainstream media is willing to publish, today?

Sure, the implication of violence against women, and the female subservience in this ad is definitely not cool — at all.  But don’t you find it just a little strange, that in today’s day and age — where a virtual infinite amount of sex, and all sorts of depravity far beyond what you and I could ever imagine… is just a click away — how mainstream media is somewhat repressed when it comes to things like this?

Don’t kid yourself – progress within vacuum, isn’t progress… any more than a mind open to “some things,” is a truly open mind.

There really is NO excuse… for being so ignorant, you don’t know what to put in your douche

OMG, look how far backwards we’ve come!

In the last ad we reviewed, we saw how at one time it was possible to point out the fact that people are overweight.  And, how today, this would be considered politically incorrect or offensive.

If that one’s taboo, then what is this ad?

This ad for Zonite, is from somewhere in the 1930’s to early 1950’s, promoting “new” douching products.  (Sorry, but this entire process smells fishy to me.)

What’s astonishing is that the ad is basically implying that any woman who doesn’t use this product is ignorant about “facts on proper intimate feminine cleanliness.”

Wow.  If this is really “how it was,” it shows you how women’s roles were completely submissive to men during this era.  Even to the point where a woman would potentially feel shame about what’s best for her vagina — even if those words were written by a man — and clearly written to sell products.

This ad has one of the longest sentences (With poor grammar, to boot!) I’ve ever read: “Because in this age of enlightenment and frankness there’s no excuse for ignorance of facts on proper intimate feminine cleanliness which often can mean so much to womanly charm, health, and happiness.”

Also, notice that the piece is a lead generation ad.  The company isn’t only selling Zonite, they’re also trying to generate leads by pitching a “Free Booket edited by eminent gynecologists.”

If you want to know why you don’t see lead generation ads like this any more – in the consumer sector – it’s because media costs make positive ROI on this, impossible.

Back then, you’d pay (hypothetically) 5 cents for a lead — maybe 50 cents for a customer — and you’d get that customer for a long time.  So by their second purchase, you’ve r

Today, try an run an ad like this and you’re going to pay no less than $50 for a lead (conservatively) and God only knows what, for a customer.  And if you’re selling consumer products — douching or otherwise — the ROI simply isn’t there.

Lastly… call me silly, but doesn’t Zonite sound like a pill you take that makes you nod out, or have some other kind of Xanax-inducing coma-like impact on you?  NOT something you get all excited about inserting into your vagina — no matter HOW funky it might be.

By the way… I’ve NEVER seen or heard about a woman douching — ever.  Now maybe I’ve lived a sheltered life or something… or maybe it’s just that all the women in my life were just ignorant about what they need to do to make them charming, healthy, and happy.

Oh, one more thing… if you want to see more vintage ads from Zonite, check out Sociological Images.  It’s a very interesting blog with tons of cool and thought-provoking information on it.

Free, for “Chubbies”

There was a time – and not too long ago, actually – when it wasn’t offensive or politically incorrect to call fat people “fat,” cheap people “cheap,” or lazy people “lazy.”

Today, you can’t do these things any more.  It’s supposedly distasteful… not classy… and it “hurts people’s feelings.”

Is it any wonder why therapists offices are filled with people who have a hard time being direct and candid?  People who feel “awkward” and struggle with speaking their own truth?

Perhaps this cultural limitation of what’s “appropriate” and what’s not appropriate, is why passive-aggressive is the new “normal” today.  Finding someone who’s open and direct is about as hard as finding a unicorn, nowadays.

Back when Lane Bryant put this ad out, however… they were actually being benevolent.  See, it was hard to find any nice clothing if you were overweight, back then.

I know, because I was a chubby, myself, and shopped in the “husky” section, for years.

Now, I’m proud to sport a 34″ inch waist – which ain’t bad for someone my age, but I probably had this same 34″ waist when I was 9 years old!

What’s really funny though, is that no one seems to bitch when you see ads for penis pills: “Make your penis longer and harder — overnight!”

What, you don’t have to be sensitive to some poor schlub who’s penis is shamefully small… but if someone’s a few pounds overweight, it’s offensive?

It’s unsolved mysteries like this, which I simply cannot understand… that make me feel like an outsider in this world, sometimes.

Ooh baby… Is that a telex in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Let’s face it, the most attractive women have a perfect combination of girl next door wholesomeness, with a hint of sexuality underneath.

The woman in this ad has these qualities, in spades.

And I assure you… NO GUY cares what she’s selling, or is paying attention to anything but her legs.

We’re even willing to overlook those goofy shoes.

There’s a complete disconnect here between the ad, the “This is a computer?” text, and the photo.

Classic example of a company trying to be cute — and not selling a thing.

Yet, it’s the kind of ad that wins awards because it “draws attention.”

Rest assured, I’d rather sell than draw attention. After all, last time I checked, you can’t pay your mortgage with “attention.”

Tipalet: Ahhh… the 70’s

Ahhh… the 70’s. What an era.

Those were the days when men were men.

Cheesy wide porn mustaches were all the rage…

Politicians had to be discrete about corruption…

You could even make fun of fat people without being called insensitive.

I remember those days — I was in middle and high school.  It was “well known by everyone,” that blowing smoke in a woman’s face (even though this is probably one of the rudest and most obnoxious things any human being can do) actually meant you were sexually attracted to her.

In fact, let’s not bullshit one another — blowing smoke in a woman’s face meant you wanted to bang her.

There, I said it.

And of course, Tipalet wisely leveraged this important slab of pop culture wisdom, known by teens and porn stars all over. They knew women responded positively whenever this happened. And therefore, what better way to advertise their product?

These guys weren’t selling cigarettes — they were selling pussy magnets!

They knew woman became more aroused and wetter than a sea otter whenever some hulking slab of man meat came by and blew smoke in her face, and they weren’t ashamed to sell from this positioning.

In fact, they were so cock-sure of this, they even created multiple flavors of smoke — blueberry, grape-y, and burgundy. (“It’s Wild!”) After all, cigarette smoke is a lot like cologne (also something everyone knew in the 70’s). And why wear the same brand of cologne all the time when you can wear a bunch of cool and different aphrodisiacal love potions?

Along these same lines, why just blow boring old “plain” tobacco into a woman’s face, when you can blow grape-y flavored tobacco her way, and REALLY make her juices start flowing and get her all hot and bothered.

You know, I often get asked, “Craig, is there anything you want in return for putting all this information up on your site?”

And most of the time, I say, “No. That’s just how I roll.”

But today, I say something different.  I say, if you like these ads, I want you to go home, and buy the strongest smelling flavored cigar you can find (“lemon-y?”)… fire it up, and inhale deeply… and then I’d like you to blow ALL the smoke out of your mouth, and directly into your wife or your girlfriend’s face, or into some lucky woman’s face.

But don’t just “waste” this on anyone.  Make sure this woman lights you up as bright as the New Years ball at Times Square.

(Sorry ladies, men don’t get turned on by this — it’s a secret trick for picking up you hotties, only.)

Then, all I want is for you to let me know if this “cool babe magnet trick” still works.

Because we have a lot of single guys out there who could be using this kind of information right now, to find the woman of their dreams.

That’s all I ask.

Sega: Prevents Masturbation!

Wow, thank God for Sega for saving us all.  As you know, since masturbation causes blindness… Sega single handedly saved the entire male race (not because women don’t masturbate, but because they don’t play video games) by giving us “something else” to do with our hands instead of fondling our genitals 24-7.

As you know, Sega is up there with many other cool life-saving, sexual behavior-altering devices, like:

Gossip magazines, which saved women from masturbating.

Bagels and Lox, which diverted Jews from having sex through a sheet.

CNN, which gave people over 50 something to do in bed, since they no longer have sex.  And…

Condoms, which make sex feel so clinical and un-intimate, you don’t want to have it and therefore you won’t get pregnant.

Seriously though, it takes “balls” to run an ad like this, doesn’t it?

Cocaine: It’s good for you!

Yes, boys and girls… in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, not only was cocaine legal, but it was readily available.  In fact, in 1914, you could still get cocaine, as long as you had a prescription.  And if getting prescription drugs from doctors was as easy in 1914 as it is today, then you know that didn’t do much to curb usage.

As you can see from this ad, cocaine was often suggested for children suffering from dental pain during teething.  Nowadays, when children are suffering from teething pain, parents take Xanax to deal with all the whining.

See how far we’ve come?

Gillette: Shave Yourself (even if you’re still breast-feeding)

Although this baby is cuter than a bald guy with a hairy chest standing in front of a mirror (at least, to me it is)… this is the kind of “branding” that big dumb companies have apparently always used, to market their products.

Funny, how one of the benefits is “No Stropping.”  In case you don’t know… a razor strop was a long strip of leather you’d use to sharpen and “hone” (no honing is another benefit listed) the edge of a shaving razor, by rubbing the razor up and down,back and forth… first one side and then the other.

Especially strong benefit, of course, when the person shaving is an infant.

It’s A Man’s World

You can’t help but wonder, “What the fuck were these guys thinking when they created this ad?”

Even in the MOST misogynistic situation possible… how the hell is something like this going to sell ties?

Were they thinking, guys would see this and their though process would be, “Wow, if I wear one of these ties (in bed, of course — because we all wear shirts and knotted ties in bed, while under the covers), I’ll show her how much I’m in charge… and because of this, she’ll be SO turned on, she wants to bring me breakfast?”

I don’t know.  That’s a pretty big “leap of faith” if you ask me.

Plus, I don’t care if this was written 50 years ago, or 500 years ago.  Men want to turn women on so they can get sex, not breakfast.

Well, maybe if your woman is a chef, you’ll want breakfast.  But ONLY after you’ve had sex.

Camel Smokes

Imagine your gynecologist setting you up on a date with someone riddled with herpes. Or your accountant referring you to a financial planner with the ethics of Bernard Madoff.

Might make you a little queazy, right?

You bet. But that’s exactly the positioning this ad is using. Giving an implied medical endorsement to a particular brand of cigarettes.

Kinda funny how times have changed, isn’t it?

For sure! I especially like the closing line on the top of the ad: “A few winks of sleep… a few puffs of a cigarette… and he’s back at that job again.”

(Why they didn’t say “a few puffs on a Camel,” I’m not exactly sure. After all, you really don’t care about doctors endorsing “smoking,” you care about the endorsement of this particular brand.)

The other thing you want to pay attention to is, “According to a recent nationwide survey, More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.”

You need to realize, all this means is you do “a survey” of doctors across the country and tally their results. It DOESN’T mean you survey EVERY doctor in America to get these numbers.

And it also doesn’t mean you call your five doctor buddies you know, either. It means you survey a reasonable number of doctors and tell the truth about your results.

People do this all day long.

The other cool thing about this ad is in the lower right-hand corner, where they talk about the “T-Zone.”

See, back when this ad was created, cigarettes were fairly new. And when your customer isn’t sure how to evaluate whether something is good or not — which is often the case when selling new products and services — it’s up to you to explain it to them.

And in this case, (much like how Claude Hopkins did it with Pepsodent toothpaste), this T-Zone is also a good involvement device because it gets your customers deliberately physically involved and “aware” of their product usage.

Any time you get people involved, it creates rapport and comfort with your product or service.

If you like these kinds of ad critiques, make sure you download my 30-Day Cash Flow Surge Program for free – you’ll see more ad analysis in this program, and definitely in the Seductive Selling Newsletter.