Offbeat Ads
The Kenwood Chef: helps women… be better women!
Some more culturally sexist ads from what looks like, the late 1960’s.
Kenwood knew… if the Chef actually cooked, women would have no purpose.
Glad they used their wisdom to know when to hold back. Who knows… had they not done this, the entire Western world might be different today.
Racist Much?
Hmmm… hard to imagine ads like this, nowadays, isn’t it?
The ads basically say, “Affluent polished white dudes all choose these cool business shirts. But the black tribal native isn’t in this club. So if you’re an affluent polished white dude, do what all the other members of this club are doing, and wear Van Heusen.”
By the way, if I had to guess… these ads are from the early-mid 1970’s. That’s only 40 years ago.
Scary, isn’t it?
Salon Sexy? Yes!
From a salon guide that looks to be from some time in the late 1970’s, we present… The Crushables!
Eenie, meenie, miney, moe… wow, how does one choose between these three salon sexy hairstyles?
Hard to say, no?
I don’t know… maybe it’s just me being a dumb guy, but… doesn’t this look like one big scrunchy weave with a different positional adjustment, on each of these women?
P.S. Hairspray NOT included.
Women In Advertising?
Why were the women in all these old ads, placed in such provocative positions?
I mean… is it me, or is her heavily-lipsticked mouth open just a little too much…?
Examples Of Branding
Jesus, I hate ads like this. They are as effective as your nail clipper is, when it comes to trimming a horses hoof.
Let’s walk through the mechanics of how this is supposed to go, according to the advertising agencies who sell drek like this:
1. Guy’s attention is drawn to ad because of the three good-looking women.
2. Guy realizes why they look all hot-and-bothered (guess?)
3. Guy gets a boner.
4. Guy thinks, “Hey… if I drink White Horse, I can pick up loads of hot women like this.”
5. Guy immediately goes out and buys 14 cases of White Horse whisky.
Now let’s look at what really happens:
1. Guy’s attention is drawn to ad because of the three good-looking women.
2. Guy gets a boner.
3. Guy stares at these women, very deeply. Moving slowly from one to the other, thinking… about their mouths… their bodies… maybe even imagining the kind of lingerie they’ll be wearing when they come over to his place.
4. Guy goes online and starts looking at porn.
5. Later on that evening, guy’s friend comes over and says, “Hey, want to go and try some White Horse?”
6. Guy says, “What’s that?”
‘Nuff said.
Best example of deflation, ever.
These particular ads for the Palmer Institute of Authorship ran during the mid-1940’s.
See where it says, “Willing to spend a few hours a week learning to write so you may earn $500 to $1,500 a year, part time? Or many thousands full time?”
Here’s what this ad would look like today:
“Can you spell the word “cat?” You can? Great — you’re officially a writer!”
“And if you can spell “cat,” then you’re also qualified to use your writing talents to make even more monies. If you can spend 7 minutes doing “key word research,” then you too. can get paid $3 (yes, 3 WHOLE dollars) to write compelling, attention-getting 250-word content articles for top bloggers all over the world!”
Right?
See, “writing”… is one of the few professions that pays the Average Joe, far less today… than in 1946.
“Good writing” (if you can find it), however… is a little different.
Perhaps the most boring profession known to modern man?
I’m a former CPA, so I can say that with confidence.
Nothing against accountants, because I have a great one, and I know loads of them who are Max Money Club Members of mine… but seriously.
Accountants are (by their own admission), perhaps the most boring people you’ll encounter.
I mean, just think about it. What kind of people are attracted to a profession who’s primary goal is to prevent you from spending too much money?
Hard to imagine Liberace, Steven Tyler, or one of the Kardashians ever becoming an accountant, isn’t it?
And I don’t care what you think about those Kardashian girls… even at their dullest moments, you’re going to have more excitement with any of them, than with your CPA.
My point is… even a guy like me, who can sometimes make chicken salad out of chicken shit, when it comes to writing sales copy… even I would struggle, selling Accountancy!” to someone.
Imagine the bullets:
- Verify exciting business transactions! Make sure the amount recorded is accurate — or else!
- Now YOU get to determine whether your client’s assets qualify for straight-line OR accelerated depreciation!
- And, see if you’ve got what it takes to get your shifty clients out of convoluted IRS Audits!
Do you think someone’s going to read this and say “HOLY SHIT! Dad, I want to be an accountant.”
No. Sorry… ain’t gonna happen.
Want to know why I went into accounting?
My best friend in high school, got into some trouble in college, around a semester before I did. I’m talking to him on the phone one day telling him about the mess I’m in… and he says, “Hey, come to school with me here in the city and take accounting. You’re really good with numbers so you’ll do well.”
GREAT, done.
Leaving accounting, however, was just as easy, when some headhunter told me, “You should try sales.”
GREAT, done.
Call me an easy mark, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Besides, it all worked out in the end :-)
“Humanettes:” Mutant humans… or real live little humans frozen in time?
Sensational Invention. Yes, no doubt.
Unless… you own a camera and have a picture frame handy. But… I digress.
Hard to imagine anyone making “BIG MONEY” selling humanettes, isn’t it?
Sure is. But who knows?
I can easily see every proud executive having a few humanettes on the shelves in their office, back in the 1950’s. Right next to the bottles of Vodka and the coat rack where their fedora hung.
