Offbeat Ads
Business Opportunity! Get! It! Now!
Make money! Be popular! Have fun! Big opportunity!
Some things never change, huh? Most accurate thing in this ad: “Dummy Catalog”
Doctor Recommended!
When I was a kid, I studied music. One of the acronyms we’d use to remember the notes, as they were written on a G-clef five-line music staff, was “EGBDF,” as in, “Every good boy does fine.”
In other words, the note on the bottom line of the staff was an “E”… the note on the next line up was a “G”… then a “B”… and so on.
Of course, as you know — a much more well-known acronym was “EGDRV,” as in “Every good doctor recommends Viceroys.”
I was a smoker when I was a kid, but I never tried Viceroys. Marlboro, Parliament, Kent, Camels, Pall Mall, Vantage, check. Viceroys, no. Obviously I wasn’t reading medical journals back then, or I would have listened to my doctor.
This ad looks like it’s from the 1950’s so it’s before my time.
Why be skinny?
Ahh… Who doesn’t like the old days?
Back when you could see a woman with natural big boobs in an ad, and people would envy her figure. Not attack it because her boobs didn’t have that “Mickey Ears” look. And… back when enough people were actually so skinny that packing ON weight was a rabid marketplace.
Lord, how times have changed, as you can see from this UK ad from the 1960’s.
As you know, today… Wate On has been replaced by your local fast food joint.
Except Wate On didn’t rot your insides out, it just packed on some extra pounds.
No Experience Needed!
Remember what I said a couple of ads ago? About how most people who are looking for work at home opportunities, focus on the “work at home” part, first and foremost?
You do?
Good, then it should be no surprise to find out the second thing they tend to focus on, is… the “No experience needed” part.
And look, the truth is… for many things, you really don’t need experience.
In fact, even for raising chinchillas, you don’t NEED experience.
But taking care of two-dozen chinchillas shitting all over your lawn, propped up on rabbit hutches out back… is going to be a LOT easier to do… if you have SOME experience.
Not to mention having to deal with, as the ad says, Breeders and Meat Brokers. (I didn’t know there were chinchilla meat brokers — talk about a specific niche.)
I’m sure those guys are pretty tough. In fact, I can just imagine the conversations:
“Look ma’am. Chuck’s willing to sell me twice as many chinchillas at half the price. I’ll tell you what… If you can butcher them up and slice them into quarters, then I’ll consider buying direct from you.”
Ouch.
The truth is, running a business is a lot like raising children. You make all your mistakes with the first one… and each one after that, you’re able to handle a little easier and be a little more effective at your job.
How To Make BIG MONEY!
One of the first things I did, shortly after I got thrown out of my house, which was about three days before I graduated from college… was to go out and buy a soft, white bunny rabbit with 8-inch long ears.
Now if I’d grown up in Nebraska… or North Carolina, this probably wouldn’t even be worth mentioning.
But I grew up in the Bronx. In an apartment.
And that’s where I raised my bunny. In another apartment, in the Bronx.
I don’t know what it is about rabbits, but I’ve always found them very cute, very gentle-looking creatures.
Sometimes in the morning, when I take my daughter to school… there’s a bunch of brown rabbits lined up along the road, nibbling on some grass in front of the shrubs. I always make the same comment about “Oh wow, there go the bunnies,” and she always makes fun of me.
But chinchillas — like the ones advertised in this ad… are NOT rabbits. A chinchilla is no more a rabbit than a cat is a lion.
A chinchilla is another cute-looking little rodent, and it looks nothing like the picture in the ad, actually.
Pet-breeding has actually been a business opportunity for a long time. In the last couple of decades, I’ve seen tropical fish, ostriches, small horses and exotic horses, all sold as business opportunities.
And of the dozen or so people I’ve met, who’ve invested in these projects… absolutely NONE of them have made a profit. (hard to believe, I know)
By the way — did you know rabbits are inherently litter-box trained, like cats?
It’s true. My lop bunny would hop into his cage and poop all day long.
Of course, there’s a bit of a problem with those little pellets sticking to his fur, which causes skidmarks across your floors. But… this was the Bronx. No one notices things like that, anyway.
Make Money At Home!
One of the biggest problems with Make Money At Home opportunities, is that the sole criteria most buyers are looking for — especially at first — is location, location, location.
In other words, actually being able to work at home (which, if I’m honest… is something I tend to take for granted, from time to time), is what’s important.
And that’s exactly why business opportunities like this — which looks like it came from the 1960’s — exist.
I mean, look at this ad carefully. Do you even understand what the hell they are selling?
Even back then, in the 1960’s, when cigaretts, alcohol, and sex, were easily obtainable and freely promoted virtually everywhere… how the hell could anyone have responded to this?
Rubber molds?
Are you serious?
You don’t have to be some kind of a marketing genius to know the demand for “shit you can make in a rubber mold in your house” simply can’t be a big seller.
What? Like you’re going to quit your job because of all the income you’re going to earn by selling shit you can make in a rubber mold in your house?
I don’t think so.
And yet… ads like this are common in the business opportunity world — even today.
Maybe they’re not selling “rubber mold kits,” but they’re selling “how to be an online millionaire in 30 days” kits, to people who’ve worked behind a cash register all their life.
Again, the problem isn’t the vendor — it’s the naiveté of the buyer, thinking they can go from 0 to 100 overnight.
But there again, people think they can lose 25 pounds in 2 weeks, so… have at it, I guess.
Profitable business opportunity offer! (But only if you qualify)
Last night I was watching the Knicks lose a heartbreaker of a game to the Thunder, and Tyson Chandler, the Knicks center, was on a public service ad talking about how you shouldn’t buy Ivory.
I was kind of surprised, since I never see Ivory items for sale, actually. But there again… I don’t get out much.
However… perhaps Tyson should be advertising the merits of LIQUID Ivory, which — as far as I know, of course — has absolutely nothing to do with Ivory, elephants, India, Africa, or probably anything else worthwhile, for that matter.
Where to buy guns:
Nowadays, you can buy crack, cocaine, pot, meth, and oxycontin, much easier than you can buy any small handgun. But there was a time, when you could go down to your local Sears Roebuck and pick up a cool handgun like this, for less than a couple of bucks.
Oh, and if you wanted them to ship it to you… and you were big time… you could fork over an extra 17 cents and sit home and wait for it to be delivered.
Welcome to the Wild, Wild West! Or not…
Not necessarily the first picture that comes into mind when you hear the word “cowboy,” is it?
