Who else wants to shave the lard off their ass?

Today’s missive is only for those people who gravitate towards common sense. Everyone else will be offended, and call me an insensitive card. But there again, read the first sentence of this paragraph.

Ready... O.K., let’s go:

Over the last few years, I’ve received a number of questions sent in to our offices via e-mail. And the number one question by far, is... “Craig, I’m thinking of starting a ___ (whatever) business. Do you have any ideas about this?’

Why in the hell would someone ask me this?

If you think I’m being “mean,” consider this: What if, instead of “I’m thinking of starting a ___ business. Do you have any ideas about this?”... they instead sent me in one of these questions, which are no different:

“Craig, I’m thinking of buying 1,200 yards of Chilean yarn. Any thoughts on this?”

Or how about this one:

“Craig, I’m thinking of covering myself head-to-to in freshly shorn organic sheep wool. Any thoughts on this (for instance, will I itch?)?”

Or maybe even this one:

“Craig, I’m thinking of having my doctor shave all the lard off the side of my ass. Any thoughts on this?”

See what I mean NOW?

First of all, asking me a question as vapid and vague as “Craig, I’m thinking of starting a ___ (whatever) business. Do you have any ideas about this?” -- even if I was inclined to answer it, it gives me absolutely nowhere to start, and nowhere to end.

And second of all, can you imagine anyone genuinely serious about buying a business, asking someone they don’t personally know, for advice they aren’t paying for?

So what I’m going to do today is answer this question for all the people who’ve ever asked it to me over the last 4 years, and for all the people in the future who will consider asking it to me during the next 6 years. (I stop working at age 50.)

Ready?

Are you sure?

Alrighty then, here’s my answer: “Yes, I have some ideas about your ___ business you are considering getting into. I think you should invest every single dollar you’ve ever saved into this business. Borrow from your friends, empty your 401k’s, and take as much in cash advances as you can. Sell your furniture to the neighbor’s kids that are moving away... sell your pots and pans to the homeless shelters and soup kitchens in your area, and sell your children to people ‘thinking about having children,’ to help them, as they in turn are helping you.

Take out a second (and a third) line on your home if you can get one, and buy loads of yellow pages ads and television commercials. Not local -- I’m talking National exposure here. CBS, ABC, NBC, and Fox Network. Get John Madden to be your celebrity voice and advertise on NFL Today -- even if you’re buying an alpaca farm, surely someone watching the NFL wants an alpaca, no?

Next, get a logo. Not just any logo, but one the size of a New York City subway car. And in fact, I’d take this one step further and hire one of the old-school New York City tag artists to do your logo. After all, who’s better at spray-painting the IRT Number 6 train, than people like “Futura,” “Dsense” or the “TatsCru?” Really, when you consider it, is there any other way to go here?

Lastly, before you sign on the dotted line, make sure you can rent a massive warehouse for your operations. Spare no expense here -- I mean that. After all, you can’t “get big” unless you’re “thinking big,” and nothing’s gonna make you think bigger, than that big fat rent payment you have to make every month, right?

O.K., so there you have it. That’s my fool-proof blanket advice for any ___ business you want to get into. Oh, and if all else fails, you can audition for next season’s episode of The Dead-Broke Apprentice. Tell the Donald I said “Hey.”

And if you too, are overwhelmed and in awe of the rampant blind stupidity the rest of us are all mired in, and you’re looking for proven, solid marketing wisdom -- with acerbic wit and entertainment mixed in -- then take a free test-drive of my Seductive Selling Newsletter, because it is simply FILLED with information like this, month-in and month-out. Oh, and the basket of fre.e marketing products you get with your 30-day free test-drive, ain’t a bad deal for you either. It’s all waiting for you here at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. Check out the MUTHA of all offers right here: http://www.kingofcopy.com/mother

===
If you enjoyed this, feel free to pass it on to a few of your friends and business associates, or simply have them subscribe themselves! Send them over to http://www.kingofcopy.com

Yes, but where's the ammunition?

May sound silly, but when you know what you’re talking about, you will actually write much better and have much more to say.

I have been reminded of this frequently lately, as I am almost finished with my Seductive Selling® For Entrepreneurs book. If I tried to cover every single Seductive Selling® strategy I could think of, the book would probably be 500 pages long. No one would buy it, and it would never get released.

But let’s talk about this as it relates to writing copy, which is probably more applicable to what you need right now.

Your creativity in your writing is directly proportional to your knowledge and familiarity with what you are writing about. Your understanding of how whatever you’re selling works, the wants it satisfies, and how it is different from all the other products in its marketplace, gives you all the fodder you need to write all you want.

But when you are writing a book, it is different from when you are writing an ad. Writing a book is actually much easier. You must remember, when you are writing ads -- it doesn’t matter whether you’re talking about a display ad in a trade magazine or a sales letter on a web page -- every single word you put down has one purpose, and one purpose only. And that purpose of course, is to sell something.

Even if you are giving away information about your product, your sole purpose shouldn’t be to give away information, it should be to sell something, and anyone else who tells you otherwise is probably someone who is broke.

Keep this in mind next time you’re getting ready to crank up a new campaign, and your focus will be more laser-like, and your ability to communicate clearly will be much stronger.

Packing a wallop is easy. All the ammunition you need is inside your head.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. TWELVE PAGES! Yep, count ‘em. Twelve pages of newsletter marketing examples in this month’s Seductive Selling® newsletter, including a famous ad for a book, press releases, and a drag queen! Get all this and more along with FIFTEEN gifts, PLUS your FREE 30-day newsletter test-drive at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

===
If you enjoyed this, feel free to pass it on to a few of your friends and business associates. Or, simply have them subscribe themselves! Send them over to http://www.kingofcopy.com

A Fail-Safe Way To Profit From Your Biggest Weaknesses

Here’s a very critical problem-solver that if you remember it, and if you use it wisely, will make you more money than you believed possible. In fact, this may be one of the most important tips I’ve EVER given out -- and it’s very straight forward.

Regardless of what you do, the smartest marketing ploy you can use, and one that’s quite simple, is to always turn any perceived or real weakness you have, into a unique strength.

The most simplistic example of this, is if you’re a small company going up against the big guys, you’d want to emphasize the level of personal attention to your prospects needs, but... you can use this in any situation.

For instance, if you screwed up and provided bad service in the past, you want to acknowledge this openly, embrace the painful lessons you learned as a result, and then talk about the incredible new quality control procedures you have in place. But... and here’s the rub -- unless you’re then ready to back this up with promissory guarantees, you’re going to suffer from a believability issue.

However, if you really have cleaned up your act, then giving a guarantee about this shouldn’t be a problem at all.

ALWAYS turn a weakness into a strength. ALWAYS turn what’s unique about you, into what’s normal and justify how anything else other than this, must be inferior.

If you are smart enough to do this, you will make a killing, plain-and-simple.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. $3,632 FREE, NO exaggeration! You know how people often over-inflate the value of bonus gifts? Well, I’ve gone out of my way to be conservative, so when I tell you the value of the FIFTEEN bonus gifts you get when you test-drive Seductive Selling, is over $3,632, I’m DEAD serious. See for yourself at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl - the new January issue has TEN pages of marketing examples!

And make sure you check out ALL the goodies we’ve got here in the kingdom at http://www.kingofcopy.com/products

===
If you enjoyed this, feel free to pass it on to a few of your friends and business associates. Or, simply have them subscribe themselves! Send them over to http://www.kingofcopy.com