An Open Letter To Isaac Larian…
If you are the parent of a girl under age 10, then you have no doubt, heard of “Bratz.” They are little dolls — typically they are girls dressed in skimpy clothing, with exaggerated feminine features (lips, hips, etc.), who are wearing a TON of makeup.
In fact, truth be told, they look like little adult action figures, only they are fully (although scantily) clothed.
Apparently, my daughter Samantha got some of these, and yesterday she brought them over to me, and asked me to open them up for her. She was having a hard time with the packaging.
Lord knows it wasn’t any easier for me.
Now I’m not the strongest guy in the world, but for 43, I’m no slouch either. I work out in the gym, usually 4 days a week, and yesterday I benched 215 for 2 sets of 6. So while I’m not winning any awards for my strength, I’m clearly above average for my age group, and probably for men in general.
However, it took me no less than twenty minutes using a pocket-knife, a scissors, and mustering up all the strength I have left in me, to open one of those packages of Bratz dolls. You had to go through turtle-shell hard plastic… dozens of pieces of scotch tape and rubber bands… and cardboard thick enough to support a Thanksgiving turkey.
And so, here is a letter I have composed to CEO Isaac Larian of MGA Entertainment, the makers of these Bratz dolls.
As you can see, I have enclosed one complete package containing a “Here Comes The Bride And Her Kickin’ Groom” set of Bratz dolls… two sets of pliers (needle nose and standard)… and a sharpened pair of Titanium Nitride Number 8 Fiskars Scissors — one of the top retail scissors out there.
Why have I sent you this package?
There are two reasons:
First, with all the junk you get in your mailbox, I had to make sure to get your attention…
And second, I want to know what you guys are thinking about when you design your packaging for the Bratz dolls, and to this, I am presenting you with a little challenge I do not think you will be able to conquer.
O.K., here’s the deal: Bratz dolls are designed for little girls — probably somewhere between ages 6 and 12, right?
Well, then here’s my challenge: I challenge you to open this set, and take out each of the individual dolls and accessories — without breaking any of them — in less than 15 minutes. Presumably you are SERIOUSLY stronger than even the strongest 12 year old girl in the world, so what I want you to do first, is try and do this using NONE of the utensils and tools included.
After 15 minutes, if you haven’t gotten anywhere (Be careful – the ONLY way to get through the shell-hard plastic, OR the thick cardboard, is to use your teeth!), you may then use the scissors and either pliers I have sent you — but… you will need to get all this done in the remaining 5 minutes.
Now I do not know if you are going to be able to “meet” my challenge, but I do know one thing for sure:
There isn’t a twelve-year-old girl ANYWHERE on this big ball of mud called God’s green earth, who can open up this package without getting maimed or tragically hurt.
What are you guys thinking about when you decide to package these little brats? Is this some kind of theft-deterrent? Or perhaps this is some kind of punishment — like if the kids are misbehaving, we can “give” them a doll, without actually giving them anything, since they will never be able to get the dolls out of the packaging, any more than a prisoner can get out of solitary confinement?
I make no claim to be the best parent in the world… and I’m probably not the smartest man around either. But… I do know this: If you think I’m EVER going to buy another one of these dolls, you are out of your mind.
Because while I love my daughter, I shouldn’t have to darn-near slice off my fingers, and scar up my hands, just so she can play with Bratz.
Perhaps I’m missing something, and if I am, let me know.
In any case, thank you for reading this message.
Now go sell something, Craig Garber
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